You thought I was finished with you, God? No, I told you I liked to ask questions. There are so many more things I would like to know, so many issues I would love to have resolved. This time I will make the questions a little bit more about real life, if that is fine with you. Let’s dive into the issues a little bit deeper, all right?

Let me just get my notes, if I can find them… Here they are. So, you — or at least those faithful to you, who operate in your name — sent missionaries to Africa to convert the pagan (or heathen) people of that continent to your glorious faith. They needed to be saved, apparently, and they were so oppressed and impoverished because they still believed in rituals that belonged to the devil. That sums it up quite nicely, not? My question here is the following: now that many of them are your loyal followers, why is it that war, hunger and mass-disease still hits them? Is it because not all of them are converted and you want to punish the pagans? Doesn’t that also hurt your own children?

Wait, the pagans are also your children, right? You created everything and everybody. Why are they pagans then? Why did you allow them to become followers of another religion, one that must have been imagined by you — because you created everything. Right? I’m confused here, did you? Why would you do that? What purpose does it serve?

Your followers would say that those were figments of the devil, but how can they be if you created everything? Did you also create the devil? Why? You were in a grumpy mood and decided to create a Master of Fire and Torture, just for the heck of it? Maybe you wanted to balance out your own goodness, but then, by creating something evil didn’t you automatically give up your own goodness? Someone who is pure good, can that person create something evil and still remain pure? … Does this mean you sinned? I guess it does, maybe you should contact your local priest for some confession, God.

Are there churches in heaven? Do people of different religions live together or are they separated? The former would suggest there is no right religion and the latter would be totally racist — so what is it? Maybe there is a right religion? Which one would that be, I know a lot of people who would like to know. Are the Catholics right? They seem to honour you the most with all the gold-decorated cathedrals, extravagant ceremonies and the fact that they have their own nation which is loyal to you in full. Or maybe the Mormons? Many people seem the think they are right, but how can they be? They believe Jesus Christ has been in North America! … Did he?! Why? Isn’t the weather much nicer in the Middle East?

Now that we’re on the subject, why did you have to kill your own Son? You know you did, right? It wasn’t the Jews who killed Jesus, it was you. Do people really get that when they read the New Testament — I don’t think they do. Maybe you should publish a revised edition. Could you also include tolerance against gay people in that edition? What do you have against gay people, by the way? Or women for that matter.¹ You’re a pretty intolerant person, aren’t you? Sure, the Christians may say you are, but in reality, you truly aren’t.

For example, you know this historic guy named Adolf Hitler right? You must, all-knowing and all. I know, I know — you will say he was a spy of the devil, or something like that. But lets not forget you’re both omnipotent and omniscient. So not only were you able to stop Hitler and Japan, you could’ve also instructed the Allies how to best destroy them. Many will say you eventually did, because the Allies won right? Yes, but it wasn’t until September 2, 1945 that they did. What were you waiting for, a freaking invitation to the game? Millions died while you were out having some vacation somewhere! A whole continent destroyed! An entire ethnic population almost obliterated!

And then you gave the world the atom bomb. Let’s think about this. You’re omniscient. You know not only what happened in the past and in the present, but also what is coming. You must have known that giving mankind the atomic force of destruction was a bad thing? Children of the age of six would’ve known this! Sure, the Second World War was won, but then began the Cold War, the nuclear arms race, the possibility of a future Third World War, now featuring the all-powerful Earth-destroying power of the atom bomb! What were you thinking?!

Seriously, that may be the core question I would like to ask you: what were you thinking? What were you thinking when you allowed Catholic priests to molest little children, when you let the Inquisition go untouched, when you installed passionate hate for other religions into mankind? Are you still a child, have you not fully developed yet? If you do exist, God, then please grow up and govern the universe better. If this were a democracy, you would’ve already been impeached a trillion times.