A fan I’m not, but I do like the girl. Jessica Simpson has this naive, sweet and almost-childish look over here, with that looks-really-fake-but-is-real smile of her. Back in the day, when she was “rising to fame,” I thought she looked way too much like Britney in some of her videos, and since I am a fan of the Brit, I totally ignored and dismissed Simpson. To be honest, I didn’t miss anything. Her first albums were nothing more than mweh.

I did like the fluffiness of “A Public Affair” and the overly-dramatic “I Belong to Me” though. Not that that mattered, since we all know the album “A Public Affair” wasn’t a success. Now she has been moved to Columbia Nashville and is producing a country album. Maybe it’ll be a surprisingly good album, but I repeat, maybe.

You’ll notice I haven’t talked about her “film career” yet, and I won’t. Employee of The Month, Blonde Ambition, Major Movie Star; the titles do all the work for me.

Simpson needs to shape-up, and I have just the program for her!

Remy Overkempe’s Patented Totally-Awesome Career Rejuvenation Program!™

1. Fire That Obnoxious Dad of Yours and Replace Him With an Actual Manager! Perhaps Benny Medina Has a Spot Open!
2. Lose Those Obnoxious Hair Extensions and Weave, and Get Yourself a Real Hairdresser! Perhaps Beyoncé Wants to Share!
3. Try and Keep That Obnoxious Mouth of Yours Closed When Walking Around Town, Shooting Promotional Pictures, or During One of Your “Acting” Performances! Perhaps Tyra Has Some Modeling Tips for You!
4. Stop Dating Obnoxious Celebrities! Perhaps Catching a Total Nobody With the Body of a Somebody Will Make the World So Much More Jealous!
5. Throw Away Those Obnoxious Deep-Cleavage Tops and the Hot Pants You Stole From the Dukes of Hazzard Set! Perhaps You Should Delete the Speed Dial That Connects You to Fashion-Misfit Mariah Carey!
6. Stop Agreeing to Star in Obnoxious and Badly-Written Movies! Perhaps You Should Really, Really, Really Finally Fire That Annoying Dad of Yours As Your Manager Because Having Greedy Family Members Be Your Staff Doesn’t Always Work Out, Unless Your Name is Britney Spears and You Get a Mental Breakdown and Your Father Helps You Out By Banning All Your Money-Grubbing “Friends” and By Admitting You… and Stuff!

That’ll be $120,000, thank you. I’ll just send the bill to Joe Simpson, okay?